Yesterday, I wrote about anger, and, in particular, how trying to “let go” of anger doesn’t really work—and can even backfire. Which begs the question: All right, then, what should a person do when they’re angry? Let it fester? Vent it to anyone who’ll listen? Plot revenge?
If these all sound like terrible ideas, it’s because they are. But there are easy, effective steps you can take can take to help you work through anger, get perspective on it, and eventually set it aside, and all they require is a pen.
I’m talking about writing, of course, but let me make one thing very clear: What I’m absolutely not advocating is either writing to the person you’re angry at or writing about the event that made you angry. If you think an irate email or an enraged journal entry is going to help you deal with your anger, think again. Generally, all that kind of writing does is remind you of how hurt you are and how justified your outrage is. It just pumps your anger up.
The key to writing about anger effectively is to do it in a way that doesn’t inflate your rage, but transforms it. There are several simple techniques I use myself and teach others. Here are seven of them:
Write about how it feels. And by “feels,” I mean in your body. What hurts? Where is there pressure or tension? What feels different physically when you’re angry? Be with your anger for awhile. Scan your body. Pay attention as the sensations come and go. Then write. You don’t want analysis or interpretation here. We’re not looking for answers or solutions. Just describe.
Write to your anger. Again, not to the person you’re angry at, but to the anger itself. Tell it what you think of it. Tell it how it makes you feel. Ask it what it wants, and tell it what you want. Don’t threaten it or try to scare it off. Communicate with it. You might be surprised how well diplomacy works when you’re dealing with the anger demon.
Turn your writing into a character. If your anger were a person, what would he or she look like? Act like? Think about? Do for a living? Avoid the temptation to make him look just like the boss you hate or the ex-spouse who ripped you off. Make her unique. I picture mine as a very shrewd—and very cruel—man with a hook nose and narrow eyes. He has one of those utterly cold smiles that make you freeze inside. He enjoys making people squirm, because it makes him feel powerful, but, like most cruel people, he is really lonely and weak.
Give your anger a name. That cruel hook-nosed guy? His name is Manducat, because it means “He who eats” in Latin, and that’s what he does, except he doesn’t eat food, he eats lives. Naming is a powerful act. Give something a name, and you establish power over it, you label and contain it. What is the name of your anger?
Write a story with your anger as a character. You don’t have to make her your protagonist or villain—a secondary character, or someone who just appears in the background can be enough. Give your anger whatever role feels right.
Describe your anger as a setting. If your anger were a place, what would it look like? Smell like? Feel like? What sounds would you hear there? Who would share that place with you? My anger is a lovely meadow full of wildflowers and bluebirds. Except that, when you’re in the middle of the meadow, you suddenly realize the flowers are poisonous and the birds want to peck your eyes, and vines reach out and wrap themselves around your ankles. Is your anger a dungeon? A meeting of robots? A barren planet on which you are the only inhabitant? Seeing your anger as a place gives you control over it, because once you do, you know you can leave.
Write a story taking place in that setting. After you know what the place looks like, it’s easy to imagine what might happen there. Take the setting one step further and create characters who enter that space and action that occurs there.
TRY THIS: Pick something that has been making you angry. Start with something that isn’t too painful or overwhelming. Be with your anger for awhile. Pick one of the seven techniques I’ve described here and try it out. Then give us a post and let us know how it worked.