“If self-promotion were an insect, I would squash it with the world’s biggest fly swatter.” So writes Nathan Bransford in the aptly titled blogpost “The Thing about Self-Promotion is that Self-Promotion Sucks.” He’s hardly alone. “I’d rather eat ice cream, read, write, paint, drink wine, travel, talk to friends, anything,” writes Karen Pliskin in a thoughtful post on her Cernwife Blog. Mystery writer Guillermo Paxton compares self promotion to “going to the dentist for teeth extraction,” and author Angela Booth says that self-promotion used to actually make her physically ill.
I, too, have wrestled with the demon. I used to be so anxious about blogging, sending out newsletters, setting up workshops, and using social media that I’d lie awake at night wishing it would all just go away. Self-promotion made me feel like a carnival barker, a fast-talking used-car salesman, a cheap floozy in red stilletos and a feather boa. I detested it.
It took three coaches and a lot of soul-searching for me to get over my fear and loathing. Nothing worked until I realized that I had to get rid of the loud, ugly, cheap images I had in my head and find new ways to think about the whole process. I had to come up with different metaphors, fresh images. When I did, my entire attitude shifted. Here are four ways of thinking about self-promotion that have helped me learn to relax and enjoy the ride:
Self promotion is hanging up a shingle. Imagine yourself opening a shop in a small town in the 50’s. A beauty shop, a bakery, a shoe-repair shop. What do you do? You place an ad in the local paper. You post a few notices around town. You hang up a sign saying “Grand Opening.” No one thinks you’re bragging or pushy because all you’re doing is letting them know you’re open for business.
This is exactly what you’re doing when you start your Tumblr or go onto Facebook or give a talk at your local bookstore. You’re not shouting, boasting, or coaxing people to buy something they don’t need or want. You’re just hanging up a shingle.
Self promotion is offering a gift. In his old age, my father took up woodcarving. To everyone’s surprise, he showed quite a talent for carving clever, folksy characters. He didn’t want to sell his work—but he didn’t want it to sit around on his own shelves, either. So he gave it away. He gave it to friends. He donated it to our local library. He sent it to people he hadn’t even met.
When you write a blog post that people will find useful, funny, enlightening, or entertaining, you’re giving them something. You’re not shoving it in front of their faces and saying, “YOU MUST READ THIS.” You’re offering them a gift they can use or not, keep or give away as they please. My dad valued his own work enough to see it as something he could give to others. Do the same for yours.
Self promotion is joining a conversation. When you first become active on social media, it can feel like a cacaphony of voices all screaming to be heard. Think of it instead as a conversation. Maybe it’s a somewhat chaotic conversation rather than a nice, organized discussion. People talk over each other a lot and sometimes don’t hear exactly what’s being said. But that’s all right: It’s like a dinner at a big family reunion. Join in!
Self promotion is sacred work. After I gave a reading at a bookstore one time, a Buddhist friend of mine said to me, “This is truly Boddhisatva work.” In Buddhism, a Boddhisatva is an enlightened person who works for the good of all beings. Well, I certainly don’t consider myself enlightened in the Buddhist sense, but I don’t think that’s what my friend was getting at. I think he was saying that by putting my work out for others, I’m actually doing good in the world.
Doing good! That’s the thing that made all the difference for me in my thinking about promoting my work. When I realized I was doing something that actually might benefit people—by informing, helping, or simply entertaining them—it changed everything.