Sure, there was that time when my sister got a really cute Dennis the Menace® doll for Christmas and everyone sat around talking about what a lucky girl she was to have such an adorable toy. The doll was later found in my closet, hanging by the neck with my jump rope as a noose. But I was four. I was going through some stuff. These days, I don’t usually get jealous over other people’s toys—or successes. Except once in awhile. This morning, for example.
When I learned that a writer I know got yet another award for one of her books, my thoughts went directly to that whiniest of questions: Why not me? Never mind that most of the answers to that question are ones I really don’t want to hear, it hovered around like an offended poltergeist: Why why why why why?
This question is the bane of most writers. How could it not be, in a field where only a few are getting published and fewer still are getting paid? But rather than stew, I quickly went to a more important issue: How can I make this stop hurting?
It wasn’t hard. A few minutes of putting things in perspective, and my morning bout of envy fever was a memory. Here are some of the things that work for me, in the hopes that other writers might find them useful when being green is making them blue:
1. Get out of that pit. Jealousy comes from one thing: The belief that you aren’t enough. It isn’t sufficient to just be who you are, work hard, write as well as you can, and be a good person. To justify your presence on the Earth, you have to be brilliant and successful (not to mention beautiful, glamorous, charming, and tall). And, even if you are all of those things, that sense of inadequacy will keep saying you have to be, have, and do more. Once I realized I was jumping into that sinkhole, I got out fast.
2. Practice patience. Success comes when it comes. It might be driving up to my door this moment, ready to take me on the best date ever. Or it might decide to stop off for a latte, meet someone sexy, and forget where it was going. I can’t make it hurry. All I can do is have my stilettos on when it comes.
3. Write for the joy. Am I writing to someday have a best seller and make a bunch of money? Of course I am. But most of the reason I write is because it is simply the most fun, interesting, and rewarding thing I do. And if someone were to look into a crystal ball and see that I’m never going to publish another book, I’d keep writing. I’d complain a lot, but I’d still write. Because nothing makes me happier.
4. See other writers as partners, not competitors. Once I stopped sulking, I sent my writer friend a congratulatory email. And I meant it. Because writers shouldn’t be rivals. We’re all in this together.
5. Be grateful. I have the time, health, and resources to write. I have supportive friends and family. I have a job that feeds my creativity. Even if I had just ten minutes a day and a few sheets of paper, I’d still have reason to be grateful. The opportunity to write is a privilege. It’s also a major gift from the Universe. Better, even, than a Dennis the Menace® doll.
I like your direct, honest writing. Very helpful.
Thanks! Glad you found it useful.