The 5 Things Resilient Writers Avoid

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A few months ago, Forbes.com published a post by Cheryl Conner on the 13 things mentally strong people avoid. Although the post was written for people in business, I’ve been thinking about how it applies to writers. What makes a writer “mentally strong”? What does a “mentally strong” writer do and not do? 

I’ve decided I like the term “resilient” better than “mentally strong,” because it captures the nature of the challenges writers face and what they need to do about them—keep bouncing back, again and again. The #1 thing that leads to failure among writers isn’t lack of talent, training, or luck, but giving up when the going gets tough. So resilience —the ability to keep going despite the inevitable setbacks and disappointments—is essential.

I’ve been looking at the lives of writers I consider “resilient”: ones who’ve hung in there until they finally landed that book contract or started getting regular acceptances from journals. I’ve compared them to others I’ve known who fell by the wayside—some of them quite talented, but just not able to take the challenges of the writing life. It’s not too hard to see what the resilient ones are doing differently. In this post, I’ll focus on what they don’t do.

Here are five things resilient writers avoid:

1.  Measuring Their Success against Other Writers’ Careers

There will always be writers doing better than you. In fact, there will always be A LOT or writers, doing A LOT better than you. If you let it, this can make you crazy. The secret is not to let it.

Most of us feel a tug of envy from time to time. But if you’re wallowing in jealousy, you’re making yourself miserable for no reason. Another writer’s success has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t lessen your own chances of being successful, and it doesn’t reduce the value of your accomplishments. Resilient writers do not think of writing as a race.

2. Getting too Hung Up on Numbers

My friends in SEO are going to cringe when they read this, but I firmly believe there is too much emphasis these days on counting. How many followers does your blog have? How many likes do you get on your Facebook page or your Tumblr? Is your mailing list growing? How are your book sales?

Yes, it’s important to pay some attention to numbers if you’re trying to build up blog traffic or a Twitter following. But if your mood for the day is governed by what your Google Analytics look like in the morning, you’re putting too much importance on counting. Resilient writers pay more attention to writing than to numbers.

3. Expecting Too Much Too Soon

I once got very angry and depressed when one of the leading magazines in the country turned down an article I had written. I was 14 and positive I’d soon be famous.

Beginners often underestimate the amount of time, work, and practice it takes to attain success as a writer. They’ve heard stories of writers who soared to fame with a first novel and, faced with the much more common scenario—years of hard work with little immediate reward—they sometimes get derailed.

Resilient writers don’t expect sudden or easy success. They take the long view, seeing their careers as developing slowly over years.

4. Taking Rejection Too Seriously

So your precious work has been turned down. What does that mean? That the work is terrible? That it’s never going to get published? That you’re destined for a lifetime of failure? Of course not.

Rejection doesn’t feel good, but it also doesn’t tell you anything about your writing or your chances of success. Instead of seeing it as important or meaningful, resilient writers let it hurt if they need to, then shrug it off and get back to work.

5. Getting Angry at Criticism

There are exactly two types of criticism: The useful and the useless. The first you should take seriously, learn from, and be grateful for. It’s a gift. The second, you should ignore. It’s irrelevant. Both types may sting a bit, but neither should keep you awake at night steaming. Resilient writers don’t find criticism all that upsetting. They use it if they can; otherwise they forget about it.

Here is the good news: Resilience isn’t something you are born with. It’s a choice you can make today. Choosing resilience can protect you from frustration and despair. It can help you save energy for the important stuff—your actual writing. And it can keep you going through the rough times. That can make the difference between a career that grows and develops, and one that never stands a chance.