No matter what fans of The Secret might want to believe, thoughts don’t send vibrations into the air that affect the shape of reality. But they do have power: They influence the way we feel, how we see the world, the actions we take, and how we respond to people and events.
Limiting, negative thoughts can have a profoud effect on our lives. Recognizing and transforming them is possibly the most important step we can take as writers.
Through my years as a coach and teacher, I’ve seen many, many writers clear away beliefs that are hindering their success. I’ve also discovered my own limiting beliefs, shocked to discover how much they were holding me back. If you are unhappy in your writing life, or if you aren’t achieving the success you deserve, take a look at the way you’re thinking. See if you find any of these common beliefs:
1. It’s impossible to make it as a writer.
Despite the fact that I started writing stories at the age of three (terrible ones, of course), and published my first story at 10 (in the children’s section of The Oakland Tribune), I made a conscious choice not to become a writer when I graduated from high school. Why? Because every person I talked to told me it was impossible. “Only one in 10,000 books gets published,” they would say. “Most people who try fail.” “You have to know someone to make it.” “You’ll just end up bitter and poor.”
They gave me made-up statistics and told me urban legends about failed writers, and I believed them. I was eager—in fact, desperate—to make a mark on the world and the thought of going into something I couldn’t possibly be successful at made me turn away from writing.
But not forever. Because I’m a writer in my soul, I ended up writing despite myself. And I soon learned that everything I’d been told was wrong. Writing careers are challenging, yes. Getting published is hard, sure. But impossible? Absolutely not!
Yet, the myth persists, among writers and non-writers alike. Sometimes people will even repeat it thinking they’re being supportive, as in, “I’m sorry your story was rejected again, but don’t feel bad: It’s impossible to make it as a writer.”
Whenever you hear those words from others, don’t listen. If you’re saying them to yourself, stop right now. As long as you think it’s impossible, it will be.
2. The Writing Life is Hard
Okay, there is some truth to this. It isn’t particularly easy to work at a full-time job (as most of us do), then spend your “free time” writing. It’s painful getting rejected a lot (as we all do). Writing does mean spilling your guts (or, to put it more elegantly, pouring your soul) onto the page. So there’s some hardness to it, yes. You know what else is hard?
Being a firefighter.
Going to law school.
Operating a crane.
Being a nurse, teacher, social worker, or psychologist.
Raising children.
Skiing.
Almost everything else worthwhile.
If you want to live an easy life, don’t do any of those things. If you want to live a fulfilling life, get used to the fact that it isn’t going to be easy. And if you want to be a writer, stop telling yourself that writers have cornered the market in misery.
3. Rejections Matter
We get them. We lament them. We talk about them. We rant against them. Rejections—from journals and agents and publishing houses and wherever else we send our work—are the bane of the writer’s life. They feel big. They feel important. But I’m here to tell you this: Rejections don’t matter.
The 50 or 100 or 1000 rejections you’ve gotten mean nothing. No one is ever going to care about them but you. No one is even going to know about them, unless you tell them.
The only thing that does matter are acceptances. It takes exactly one person to say yes to your poem or memoir. And that one acceptance is the only thing that counts.
Stop counting your rejections. Stop worrying about them. Stop seeing them as the be-all and end-all of your career. Start focusing on the acceptances. Haven’t gotten any yet? Remember that they’re on their way. If you keep writing, they will come. And when they do, those rejections will all turn to dust.
Beautiful post – and I have one more thing to add about ‘rejections’… I’ve had hundreds, and I used to paper my bathroom walls with them back in the 1980s: I LOVED THEM! They made me feel like a “real” writer – because someone had actually READ my manuscript and “rejected” it! 🙂
I LOVE the fact that you wall papered your bathroom with rejections, Winslow. I made my into origami. Too bad so much is done digitally now. There really is something empowering about having that physical sheet you can hold in your hand that tells you “you are a writer.”