4 Ways to Get Rid of "Shoulds" in Your Writing

Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck calls them “concepts”: mental images of the way we think things should be. Another word for them is “shoulds.”Everyone is plagued by these stress-inducing demons, and writers are no exception. Most of us spend our entire writing careers thinking about what we should be doing differently or what should be happening that isn’t. As I wrote in my last post, shoulds are counterproductive, unhelpful, untrue, and crazy-making and the best thing we can do with them is transform them into something useful. Today, I’m going to suggest some ways to do that.

1. Pay attention to your emotions.

Negative emotions are often the result of frustrated shoulds.

• I should have written more today.
• I should have heard from my agent by now.
• I should be getting more blog followers, where are they?

Paying close attention to your emotions can help you identify the shoulds in your writing life. The minute you feel stressed, anxious, frustrated, or angry, ask yourself what the should is behind it. The very act of identifying the should can help you see it for what it is and step away from it.

2. Listen to your inner (and outer) voice.

Our emotions are often tied to words we’re telling ourselves—to the self-talk going through our heads. Sometimes those words come out our mouths as well. Listen to the words you are repeating mentally or outloud, and you are likely to find quite a few shoulds in there. The moment that word appears—or its close cousins “ought to, “have to,” or “must”—pause for a moment. Go to the next step.

3. Change your language.

Once you have identified the concepts that are governing your life, you can transform them by changing your language. What can you say instead of “should”? There are many alternatives—could, might, want to, would like to—but one of the best ways I’ve found to transform should concepts is to turn them into questions using “can.”

Take a look at how these stress-inducing concepts are transformed into positive, motivational ideas:

• I should write more. à How can I write more?
• I should be publishing at least a poem a month. à How can I publish more of my poetry?
• I shouldn’t be so frustrated about my writing career. à How can I be less frustrated about my writing career?

4. Shift your focus.

The problem with shoulds is that they focus on what we’re not achieving or what isn’t happening the way we expect. Turn them on their heads by shifting your awareness to what you are achieving and what is going well:

• More people should be buying my book. à I got a good review last week.
• I should write at least three stories a month. à I got a good, solid story written this month. Good!
• I should be getting published. à I’m a good writer who is getting better every day. I’m getting there!

Above all, get out of the trap that shoulds are useful motivators. They aren’t. They are merely ways of rejecting the present moment, denying the way things are, and loading additional stresses on our already stress-out lives. Not sure you buy it? Try practicing the four suggestions in this post for a single week, and see if you don’t feel better and accomplish more.